Slow down… really

“If you’re developing a new skill, trying to learn a new language or create something new, you’re going to fail. Don’t be ashamed of it. Let’s learn from these failures, instead of ignoring them.” — Dr. Samuel West

Reading this quote at 22 years old, my mind would think, “Yes, that makes complete sense! I’ll learn from my mistakes right away and improve. Let’s do it!” Only to realize moments later that I was struggling to find the motivation to tackle the task or even reflect on what caused the problem in the first place. Why did this happen? Was it laziness? Did I not care enough? I started questioning whether I was on the right path in my career and life. Why did I feel overwhelmed? Was I depressed? Oh no, the dreaded “d-word”! Did I have a disorder? Why did my motivation surge and then dwindle within minutes?

Now, I don’t know if you experience this kind of panic when faced with a problem (hopefully you don’t), but for me, those thoughts most certainly stemmed from the fear of failure, the fear of having a mental disorder (given my family’s history of mental health issues, I assumed it would eventually affect me… luckily, it didn’t), and the fear of not achieving perfection for myself. Notice the key phrase here: perfection for myself. It wasn’t about solving problems for a greater purpose, making someone else’s life easier, or doing the right thing. It was about finding the easiest solution and doing it incredibly well, for myself. How selfish, right? Well, yes and no. It all depends on balance and perspective. While I understand the concept of self-love, what happens if you’re not loving yourself in the right way? Then it isn’t genuine self-love. So, what is it then? How do I properly practice self-love? I’m not certain how to answer that, and I don’t want to delve into philosophical discussions. However, I believe we often make excuses to shield ourselves from pain and struggle. It’s easy to choose a quick and effortless solution and assume it will work when in reality, it often fails in the long run.

Allow me to share where I went wrong. Looking back, it’s funny because I still struggle with it, but at least I’m aware of the best approach to problem-solving: take your time and stick to the facts.

I faced difficulties before because I rushed through them. I thought there would be an obvious solution right in front of me, screaming, “Pick me! Pick me!” And what was that solution? Well, there were multiple options, but the most prominent one was to keep moving forward and push through. Just keep pushing and pushing until the problem magically resolves itself. Soon enough, you’ll forget about it entirely.

Boy, was that a terrible way to progress. Although it provided temporary relief, stress took over, my work quality decreased, and both haunted me in the long term. The point is, if you place problems, whether big or small, on the back burner in your mind, they will gradually consume you, much like a virus attacking white blood cells. And then, because you choose to ignore it, you don’t treat the virus, hoping it will go away. You can’t blind yourself and assume that pushing through will lead to the right outcome.

Resolving problems isn’t something you can diminish or solve overnight. The world won’t hand you the answers to your problems. You must take your time, observe the situation, empathize with it, generate assumptions about potential solutions, and then craft your own personalized approach.

It may seem like a simple concept. However, before we delve deeper into creating proper solutions, let’s take a step back. Why did I rush through problem-solving? You might think, “Well, duh, Sean, you mentioned it earlier.” It was due to your fear of this, fear of that, and the rush to find the easiest solution — a fight-or-flight response, so to speak. Yes, that’s partially true, but you can also analyze it at a deeper level by examining my social, emotional, and functional needs. Socially, I rushed through problems because I believed that no one would even notice I had any. This helped me maintain an image and a desire for perfection, so to speak. Emotionally, I hurriedly solved problems to swiftly eliminate negative thoughts from my mind, preventing them from impacting my life. Functionally, I completed satisfactory work and achieved results. After all, I have an MBA. Doesn’t that indicate problem-solving skills and proficiency? Well, not quite.

This mindset can be described as merely getting by — a “C’s get degrees” mentality. If I put something out there and it’s deemed acceptable, and no one notices the struggle behind it, and I convince myself it’s right, then I must be living my best life. But that’s incorrect. You truly live your best life by paying attention to details and subtle signs at a micro level.

So, how do you achieve this? As mentioned earlier, take your time and stick to the facts. But how exactly? Try doing things at half speed, and you’ll soon realize that it’s a normal pace. Instead of rushing to complete a task, take your time and organize your thoughts. One way to do this is by jotting down your thoughts in a “thought parking lot.” Write down every thought you have about a particular task, project, idea, or thing — both positive and negative — and once you’ve exhausted your thoughts, start eliminating those that fall under unhelpful thinking styles.

Refer to the graphic below, which outlines categories of unhelpful thinking styles. Try to understand why you think in those ways, and here’s a crucial point: don’t try to erase the thoughts! Don’t block them out. Acknowledge them, notice them, and then focus on sticking to more positive and constructive thoughts.

Only when I became aware of these thinking styles was I able to approach problems correctly and comprehensively. I still struggle with my problems, but at least I have a somewhat systematic way of finding the right solution. It’s like having a mini psychologist in my pocket.

So, here’s your answer. Whether you’re a business or an individual, I hope my reflections help you along your journey.